This is controversial, but please hear me out because I think you’ll agree. I think the golden rule can be terrible, particularly in software. And actually Tolvolds Diplomacy, as in literally Linus Torvolds himself, is very very often absolutely following the golden rule.
The Average Case
This was my first post ever on the nix discourse.
You’re being really polite, I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I’ll give you a bit of an intro since it seems you’re new to Linux … [Its really long]
I created an account and posted that because I felt needed to step in. Everyone else was following the golden rule and giving the answer THEY wanted to hear, as if THEY were asking the question.
- If a senior Dev asks “how does this work” they might want a link to source code and s short answer with a lot of Jargon.
- If a non-programmer asks “how does this work” they likely want a super high level overview, basic terminology, and an introduction of terms that are relevant and what they mean.
The golden rule ignores who is asking it just blurts out whatever irrelevant/incompatible answer the responder would like to hear (and what the responder probably enjoys talking about).
At best it causes a disconnect, friction, and this gradual buildup of askers not getting useful answers that can explode into memes like Just gimme the EXE, smelly nerds
The Bad Case
I’ve grown up having friends whose families curse at each other regularly. And I’ve been around families that don’t have eachother’s back. They are not the same families. Not even close. “I hate you”, “I hate you too”, “let’s go get something to eat”, “okay”. Was a real conversation, and despite the words, respect was not lost between them because I was there, I saw the smile on their faces as they were eating together afterwords.
I say this because it might be hard to believe, but I’ve met people in real life who I would guess are very very similar to Torvolds (who grew up in a dysfunctional home), and people who I would guess are very very similar to Jon Ringer. They ARE usually following the golden rule. Telling Linus to “screw off, this code is cr@p, you need to change X to Y” is going to roll off his back like water off a duck. He’s not going to remember it 30 seconds later, let alone get into a frenzy over it – because he’s so desensitized. Here’s an interview that kinda goes over his perspective.
There is no empathy in the golden rule.
Srxl wrote a compelling post recently about how Jon’s reponses made them feel, the golden rule totally ignores all of it.
The Alternative
There is a platinum rule “treat others how they want to be treated”, but I’m actually going to take another somewhat controversial stance and say its frequently not possible, and even when it is it can be too energy intensive. Real empathy requires information. A new account with a single new post thats only a question is impossible to empathize with because we dont know anything about them. And that doesn’t mean RTFM is a good response.
But, politeness, assuming the best, and asking for the info needed for empathy later is a reliable not-too energy intensive strategy that avoids Torvolds Diplomacy.
